Monday, March 17, 2008

Warning: Personal Post

So this is going to be one of those personal feeling posts but I feel like if I write it down it will help me let go of these feelings even more. Don't read if you're uncomfortable with girly feelings.

So my one year break-up-versery is quickly approaching and here's what I've been thinking about:

It's been almost a year and I'm still not completely over the hurt, anger, and even still miss him sometimes. Have I progressed? YES! A lot! Much of that progress is due to how supportive my friends and family have been despite being so far away. Strangely enough I'm just about the happiest I've ever been. Strangely enough I sometimes wish he could be a part of my "new" life...that the relationship would be better with who I am now...but that's just half of it...not sure how he's progressed.

I've accomplished a lot in this year...from doing what I always said I wanted to do...turn my photos into cards and sell them; to improving my relationship with my boss at work making for a much better work environment; to making a wonderful new group of friends; to using my humor in different ways like in writing reviews on Yelp and most recently blog entries on Complaints from the Cubicle. May sound silly but all of these things meet my needs in different ways. They act as creative outlets and have helped me feel like I belong to a community. Even just walking into Parts & Labour and hearing one of the owner's call out my last name makes me feel like I belong. The Yelp community has helped me find my little niche. I've had to work on that balance of being social, working on projects, and just chilling by myself. I still really need that "me" time.

All of that has helped me "rebuild" my life. I'm more "me" than I've ever been I think. After the break-up I allowed the things he said and did make me feel like I wasn't smart enough, Catholic enough, academic enough, creative enough, busy enough, talkative enough, and more. That was so unfair. I take responsibility for my part, but it is not just one person's "fault." And then I get mad that I'm not over someone who made me feel that way...but that's because he truly is a good person, a talanted person, and I did love him. That doesn't happen so easy for me.

So with the break-up-versery coming up I'm thinking about the blessings I have...supportive, hilarious, and nice friends; independence-by this I don't just mean being by myself, I mean that I am happy being by myself and not trapped by it; a wonderful family; a job I don't hate; my bike; and my creative outlets. I am enough...and just keep growing into a person who is even more "enough."

2 comments:

Swampy said...

You are such a cool chick!

madelyn said...

Hooray for independence!